The Terror of Haruhi Suzumiya and Ranma Saotome
by WG-Writer
Summary: Things have changed after Saffron, now Ranma finds himself in new kinds of trouble. Perhaps the Mallet was a kinder fate.
1. Prologue

The Terror of Haruhi Suzumiya and Ranma Saotome

Prologue

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi was written by Tanigawa Nagaru and published as the anime by Kyoto Animation.

Ranma was written by Takahashi Rumiko and published as an anime by Kitty Films - Fuji TV and Viz Communications, Inc.

They own their own characters and other such trademarks, only Characters that I make are owned by me.

Author Note: This will be the only Note I will provide as the forums and reviews can answer questions and I recommend my ff net forums. This Fic will be done in first person from Kyon's POV

* * *

It has been eight months since the start of the school year and my first encounter with Haruhi Suzumiya. It is now December and a very cold walk up hill to school. When I reflect on the school that I choose it was to make sure I had an easy time either going to or from school. It was funny in retrospect how hard it was going to school. I overlooked the fact that the easier it is one way the harder it is the other. In the end I guess the same applies to dealing with Haruhi, in that any thing involving her is easier to finish then it is to start.

I have thought this many times before and find new truths each time because my experience with her only grows. Recently I became afraid of a realization. I spend my after schools each day with an alien, and esper, and a time traveler. For me this has become normal, each time I find some new surprise I need to shoulder a new burden, but that was what I had expected growing up that anyone who was connected to someone like an alien, an esper or a time traveler, would live an interesting life. Since things like aliens were now normal for me, and anything involving Haruhi is abnormal. My realization was that life with her must be abnormal, and now that it has appeared normal to me something had to change.

Yet being here with Haruhi, all this is normal for me, and with Haruhi nothing stays normal for long. Sometimes I wonder if she really is aware of 'the abilities' that everyone claims she has. If so then she would know that she has an alien, an esper and a time traveler in her club. But I know that isn't true, because if it was she would spend all day learning all she could from them.

In any event things have fallen into a sense of habit and normalcy around here. And even now as I take my seat in front of Haruhi I know that things will not stay as they are, and that some new stranger will be voluntarily arrested by Haruhi.

I walked to my seat and saw Haruhi in hers, with us being the last seats in the back row and hers behind me, it gives her the opportunity to interact with as few normal people as possible. It is now that I sit here in the classroom that I notice for the first time that there are several empty seats. Sure I had expected the seat that was vacated by the former class representative who officially left to Canada. But that trip must have been dangerous, after all Yuki lost her glasses when the freak vaporization occurred before she left the country. However, putting the knife wielding psychopath aside, the three seats next to Haruhi and myself were now vacant, it was the two directly next to Haruhi and myself, plus the last seat in the following row leaving two seats next to Haruhi.

As I thought about this fact and the truth was that Haruhi would have made a fuss about the suddenly absent classmates, I then took notice of Haruhi herself. She reminded me of when we had first meet, it was as if Mikuru had suddenly switched Haruhi with her past self to get a moment of quiet away from the costumes. I allowed my mind to slip to the Mikuru image collection.

Back in the classroom Haruhi was obviously distracted. She had looked like a group of aliens walked down the street outside her house with a sign in multiple languages identifying them as aliens and she slept through it. Or perhaps it was that she was just told that a space probe proved that the stars were just painted on s large sphere around the solar system and the universe ended there. Actually if it was the latter then it would probably cause her to recreate the world again.

I stared ahead and out a window myself, and thought about the situation. A bored Haruhi was a dangerous one. She was like a jungle cat, when supplied with nourishment and a chance to rest, it was quiet. However when starved like any animal the results are not enjoyable. It was then that I again remembered our first vacant seat, the one of Asakura Ryouko, gone but not forgotten. Hoping for future relaxation, and a busy else where Haruhi, I decided to poke the jungle cat.

I turned to Haruhi and asked, "Do you know why we are three more students short now?"

Haruhi looked at me and then turned away with a the bored look still on her face. "They moved to a different city."

That answer seemed too fast, but how did she know and I didn't. So I checked, "Are you sure?"

Haruhi seemed in a bad mood as she snapped, "Who am I? Their keeper?"

This was a worry to me. The starved jungle cat just ignored a full course meal set out for it. Of course there was no way that I could know what is happening, so I chose discretion; cowards may die a thousand deaths, but it means we have a thousand lives too.

As class started I noticed Haruhi looking more bored than usual and decided not to tempt the fates, or else I would say something to cause her to come up with some weird idea that will leave me dragged through who knows what area of a backwater place until after school. She had the tendency to see school as a way to meet the unusual rather then as a place of learning.

Sometimes while sitting in the clubroom with an alien, an esper, and a time traveler, one wonders what will happen next to make a person question what is going on in the world, but than its questions like that that lead to weird things. Once I had a conversation with Haruhi about Snow White, which we had seen it in class, which was ironic considering that this was just post the event that the others dubbed the 'Snow White' incident.

It was then that the topic came up and she professed a desire to meet a 'Magical Knightly Prince' to come in and chase away the drudgery of normalcy. It really was a shame that I failed to realize how much that little desire would change the status quo at this time.

The class came to session and the teacher came in with a new student. The new student was built like an athlete. In retrospect this was as insulting to him as it would be to say to a professional dancer that they dance well. It is a major understatement of ability. As the student stood there I noticed a few things about him. First was he wasn't in a uniform, he was wearing a Chinese no sleeve shirt, and black pants of some sort. Being in the back of class prevented me from telling more than that about his clothes. He had his black hair in some kind of pigtail.

The teacher brought the class to attention and announced that there would be some new students transferring into the class and they would fill the vacant seats that the suddenly moved students had left. There was only one here for today and he was apparently new to the area.

However the most memorable thing about this new guy who was transferred to our class was his self introduction.

The teacher then gestured to Ranma to introduce himself more, but what he said was simple, and probably I was the only one in the room that day that would come to know the full extent of the meaning, "Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

At first I didn't know what he was sorry about. Now that I think about it I know perfectly well what he apologized for, and I can't blame him. I then heard Haruhi's chair move and in a moment of foolishness I turned to look. I will never forget the look on her face that time as the look of sheer joy on Haruhi's face sent tremors to my very soul but soothed it at the same time. It was like someone you know and trust uttering that legendary phrase, 'Trust me I know what I am doing.'

As I listened to the teacher while watching Haruhi, I heard, "Our new student is a Prince of the newly acknowledged nation of Jusenikusa. It is located in the Bayankala mountain range in China. Apparently he is also a martial artist and has been transfered here hopefully until the end of the year."

The expression on Haruhi's face seemed to only intensify, and I knew from the look on her face that life just got more interesting, and that soon I would have Martial Artists attacking me for some reason. Not that they would be out of place with aliens, esper, and time travelers. But what scared me the most was Haruhi's proclamation right after the introduction.

She called out, "My betrothed prince has come for me!"

Many thoughts had run through my mind but none expected the groan from the new student, Ranma, "Not another fiancée!"


	2. 1 Heres Ranma Again?

The Terror of Haruhi Suzumiya and Ranma Saotome

Chapter 1 – Heres Ranma... Again?

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi was written by Tanigawa Nagaru and published as an anime by Kyoto Animation.

Ranma was written by Takahashi Rumiko and published as an anime by Kitty Films - Fuji TV and Viz Communications, Inc.

They own their own characters and other such trademarks, only Characters that I make are owned by me.

Author Note: Jusenikusa means roughly Land of Thousand Fights. This Fic will be done in first person from Kyon's POV

* * *

"Not another fiancée!"

Like everyone else, I had assumed, I could have only stared at Ranma. The word 'another' should not have been needed. And yet that little word was there. Such a small thing yet it had conveyed so much meaning. This implied he had more then one.

Logic is an interesting thing to think about. It allows a person to connect two obvious points of reason with a line of understanding. So it can be forgiven if logic fails because one person had two different ways to think about such points of reason.

Here point one meant that Ranma had more then one fiancee, point two was that he seemed surprised that Haruhi was one of them. This meant that the line of understanding was that someone had passed ahead of him and left engagements for him in their wake, not to mention that they had done so before. Logically this might have been obvious.

Logic is interesting for another reason, it only works when you think. Here listening to him talk like this I am certain that Haruhi failed to think logically, or was that logically for the other people of the world.

"What do you mean 'another fiancée'?" Haruhi exclaimed.

It seemed that Haruhi was trying to figure this paradox out and assumed that the logical assumption was wrong. Not that I blamed her, if I had been in a situation similar then I would probably have reacted the same way.

Ranma, as if such an embarrassing situation was a common occurrence, had brought a hand up to his face. "It means that my idiot panda of a father sold me out again. What was I sold for this time?"

It seemed my logic was correct, his father had probably sold his hand in marriage to Haruhi and had done so to other girls. I also made a note, I would need to ask Ranma later about the panda insult, I had never heard panda used that way before. Now that I thought about it I really have a hard time thinking of a use to calling anyone a panda, it wasn't like you would just use such an insult casually.

Logic however was not needed for the next leap in thought, Haruhi's reaction was one that would be obvious to everyone in the class. She would use one of Haruhi's generic reactions: ignore, explode, or plan. With this was happening now, and directly involved her, this removes ignore and plan, which leaves only one possibility...

"Sold for? This time? What are you talking about? This was a long standing engagement through our grandfathers." Yelled the irate, alleged world destroyer and creator.

In retrospect I wish I had brought a camera to class, the look of total dumbfoundedness and fear on Ranma's face was a memory I wish I could have kept forever. It was perfect in the appearance of someone who had a total understanding of where they were being proved incorrect, like someone who had a map of Hokkaido and they were in Hong Kong. It was apparently that bad for him.

Ranma seemed depressed at the situation and whined out, "Great, as if dealing with arranged marriages my father set up wasn't enough, now I have to deal with my grandfather's. So what was the dowry?"

Dowry, this seemed like familiar ground to him. As I listened to the continuing conversation being carried across the room I watched thoroughly as our homeroom teacher sat in the chair behind their desk thoroughly lost to events. It seemed like everyone else agreed that this was one train crash that was too interesting to try and get back on track quickly.

Soon enough things did get back on track and Ranma got seated next to Haruhi. The first period went by slowly and I noticed our new classmate's attention slipping until during second period when he finally fell asleep. The teacher, noticing the situation, tried throwing chalk at him to wake him up but even if it did hit it did nothing but leave a slight mark on his head. Surprisingly half of the chalk sent to his head was intercepted by his hands while he slept. I was further concerned when Haruhi seemed unable to decide how to react. On one hand she seemed ready to be furious at him she also seemed enamored with him.

The next thing that happened threw the entire class for a loop. As soon as the break bell rang signifying the start of our recess break he leapt out the window. In normal schools this was meaningless, most schools had all first year students like us on the first floor, second year students on the second floor and third year students on the third floor, however since our school is on a hill this had to be altered. The ground floor had storage rooms and other rooms like a gymnasium. This in effect meant that we were on the second floor.

The entire class ran to the window, including Haruhi and myself in the fear he forgot this. We were surprised that he was walking along the ground like he just hopped off a curb, and headed for a shady evergreen tree. It didn't seem to bother him that it was mid winter, at least he had the courtesy to close the window behind himself. This was also a warning to me, Haruhi would have him a member of the SOS Brigade or kill him and probably me trying. Shortly after we realized that he was alright Haruhi ran after him, taking the door and stairs of course, probably to talk some sense into him. It was then that Taniguchi and Kunikida had taken the opportunity to come up and talk to me about the new student.

Taniguchi spoke first, "First you then this weirdo martial artist prince. What kind of magic do guys like you wield over girls anyway?"

If I knew that, it wouldn't work, since every guy would know it as well, and every girl would probably be immune. I however chose to ignore the question. If I answered in any way it would only cause problems. There were other girls in earshot and I still hoped that I could get a date sometime by the year end without paying for the entire SOS Brigade.

I was saved by Kunikida, "He is not that bad. I am sure Kyon has no such magic, he may be weird but not that weird."

I looked at Kunikida, "Thanks, I think."

I knew I could rely on him to back me up when I didn't need it. Kunikida was always a second vulture in the old school, despite anything that happened around him he would always let someone else go first. He was always the type to live events through someone else.

Taniguchi decided to try and see if Haruhi and myself were dating, however he was intelligent in his methods. He would often times ask a question similar to his real one, only he would ask it in a teasing way. In that this was a situation that he could not resist, "So how does it feel to lose Haruhi to some new student?"

Right, so I am not her primary focus anymore. Does this mean I am forgetting to party? No, I had that planned for later. After I am sure that she is fixated on him. That will leave me and Mikuru alone. That reminded me, I would have to remember to change that password soon. I didn't want those Computer Society guys getting access to that folder.

"Not just some new student, this is THE Ranma Saotome." This was said by another classmate of ours named Shinochi.

I looked out the window at the pair under a the evergreen tree, "He seems good enough as a martial artist to jump from that high and not get hurt." I figured that since his introduction included him being a martial artist and that jump earlier, this must have been what he referred to.

He followed up with a question, "Don't you guys follow what happens with general weirdness in Tokyo?"

I have a hard time tracking weirdness here in this school, forget Tokyo. That was what I wanted to say, but I doubt they would believe or know what I meant. Instead I chose to say, "Not recently." It was true enough, as since starting school here I hadn't bothered looking elsewhere for wrinkles in the fabric of accepted normality.

I also decided then to never let Haruhi meet Shinochi, again. Haruhi was a member of his club briefly and yet I felt that if she were to learn to use him as a source of information she might get it in her head to head to Tokyo and explore the natural strangeness there. Who knows what would occur if Haruhi gained knowledge of this source of weirdness.

"Ranma Saotome, heir of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, Saotome branch. Also known as the School of Indiscriminate Grappling. Specific information is hard to find due to conflicting eye witness reports. The most bizarre conflict is that his gender is in question and often comes up as a girl. Although how he can be mistaken for a girl is a mystery. The only thing that can be confirmed is what his martial arts school is. It is a school the mixes several styles together, at its height it is believed to be both the ultimate best and ultimate worst schools. Best since the nature is to be flexible, worst since very few can use it well, and they require dedication on a level that most people can not give."

That was a lot of information. How Haruhi said they had nothing to interest her I am unaware. Perhaps this bunch of book worms saw Haruhi for what she was and kept the important information from her. But i needed to confirm if I was right about him being in that club, "You are in the mystery research club"

"Yes, how did you guess"

It was as I thought, "Call it an educated guess." I decided to make a mental note to find some reason to send Haruhi back in their direction, then I remembered it was a bad idea to expose her to that kind of information. I envied their apparent good planning and Haruhi evasion technique, to bad being normal never worked for me.

Now I am forced to wonder if Haruhi had stayed long enough in that club how things would turn out. And yet I somehow picture things not being different at all. I am certain that Mikuru would probably still have gotten abducted, sorry, voluntarily arrested by Haruhi. Nagato would some how make it down there being lead by her science fiction interest, despite being an alien herself. Some how I think that Koizumi would join just to keep an eye on her. Although I do not know how I would have been pulled in with her, I do not know why I am in the SOS Brigade now anyway, so I have no defense to say I would not get involved that way.

As break ended we were treated with another surprise as Ranma jumped into the classroom with Haruhi in his arms, through the window yet again. I became positive that this was the point that that window started seeming more like a door.

As third and fourth periods became repeats of first and second period I had noticed that he did not seem to want to be here. And yet here he was.

Lunch held a mild surprise as a scream was heard from outside, "Where am I now? This is all your fault Ranma!" We never found any sign of the one who yelled, and strangely Ranma seemed annoyed and chose to ignore it.

Fifth period went by normally, however it was sixth period when things got weird, well weirder then normal. This was gym class in the gymnasium, and as per usual we got mixed with the other class so we can change into our gym clothes. As expected Haruhi reacted in the usual way of not noticing the guys still in the room. The odd part was Ranma bolted from the room at the first hint that the room became the girl's locker room. It seemed at the time that there was some innate fear in him that connected girl's changing to pain. I can almost agree to it given how we got ejected from the room when Haruhi started changing earlier in the year. Later I did ask Ranma why he bolts so much in those situations. He told me that no mater, what the circumstances, if a girl changes with in visual range of a guy, or sees a girl undressed, it means the guy is a pervert that the girl must punish. Perhaps this explains his fear of girl's changing near him.

Gym class proved that Ranma was very strong and agile. He performed every task while seemingly bored. When the teacher asked him to do a leap with triple back spin and a twist to try and get him interested, he almost fainted when Ranma did so from a standing start. The teacher probably meant to use the jump board with a running start. I started worrying, my old friend logic started doing things and drawing lines that I had not noticed. Ranma was from a family of martial artists, at least according to the mystery research club. He and Haruhi both were heavily athletic and greatly desired by the athletic clubs. Both turned them down saying they were boring. They were engaged, by family agreement. The only missing parallel so far was Haruhi as a martial artist. And that thought was one I had no desire on ever repeating. But there was one thing I had to think of then, old samurai families were notorious for intermarrying to keep the blood lines strong. That was scary enough as it was, Haruhi part of an eccentric old family of weirdos. Then again considering who I hang out with, I don't have much room to talk.

The real mystery occurred in the shower room after gym class. Ranma apparently had refused to shower with the boys and showered further down the line. He showered in very hot water, almost hot enough to burn another guy who put his hand in the water when Ranma was getting it up to temperature. Ranma also stayed in the second longest, but there was another guy who was in with him. That guy had a reputation as a prankster, whatever happened in there though he never again pranked Ranma. If it was out of terror or something else, I would only find out much later.

Unsurprisingly Ranma was dragged to the SOS Brigade meeting after school. It seemed like he and I had something in common. It was better then nothing, so we showed up. This was a decision on his part I can safely say he regretted in retrospect. By now Mikuru was mostly used to the loud bang, even if it is only a psychological one, when the door is locked, so it was with a little worry when Ranma flinched the same way when Haruhi trapped him in the room. I barely caught his glance at the window, of course since he is on the same floor as this morning, only a separate building, he could surely make that escape. It was at that moment that I realized how much I wished I could do just that at times, but how would I be able to leave poor Mikuru behind?

I watched as Haruhi cornered Ranma and started grilling him trying to get information from him, any information. Haruhi would probably be happy with anything that Ranma would consider normal.

I heard Ranma say to Haruhi, "You don't want me to answer that do you?"

Poor Ranma, he still had not figured out that there was almost no way to win against Haruhi. It can be done, but must be done carefully. The closest comparison in stopping a Haruhi plan is like changing tracks for a train. You have to do it before the train has come, and if you don't want the train driver to know it was changed you have to be careful not to get seen by him. Making a Haruhi plan not go too far takes planning.

I then noticed after more arguing between the two that Ranma was every bit as stubborn as Haruhi. At this point my danger senses went off and I turned around. Haruhi had initiated the soul damaging glare, the glare that can cause any guy to fall apart and give in. I internally counted down and was about to turn around when I heard Ranma say, "If you want to know so badly here."

I dared to turn around and saw Haruhi flipping through a book, it was small and black, and looked like the type of book that Taniguchi kept his girl ratings in. If it was something like that then he might as well have just given Haruhi a hit list.

"I can't believe it, most of them have better figures then me!" Haruhi exclaimed out of indignation. And confirming my fears, "Except for this tomboy, I mean she is built like a brick, and it shows in this photo. And the measurements? How did you get those anyway?"

This argument continued on and I barely paid any attention to it, no guy wants to admit how they get a girl's measurements, at least to girl, and rarely to another guy, unless he is bragging. I, of course, figured it out later, and had to promise Ranma that I would not tell anyone, but then that was later.

The greatest shocker of the day occurred after the meeting, after Ranma and Haruhi left. Apparently Haruhi wanted to escort Ranma home, or was that stalk, since he seemed to not want her to know where he lived. A great and intelligent move, shame it failed like any glimmer of hope and peace near Haruhi. Then again Haruhi's sealed realities were usually dark, I may have only had experiences in two, and they were at night, but it is enough to set the belief in motion. At the time I felt sorry for Ranma, but that changed quickly.

"He is the same as Haruhi."

I nearly jumped out of my chair and stared at Nagato, but I did glance at her to confirm she did indeed say that. Unfortunately for my belief that there was a kind god it did appear that she did in deed say that. I was forced to remember the last sealed reality event where she nearly erased the world and started over. If she did actually do so, then that might mean that she truly is a goddess... and that she's doing everything in her power to destroy my sanity.

Koizumi, with his ever present smile, spoke up in agreement with Nagato, "I agree, the feeling I get when near Haruhi, I got when Ranma was close by. It wasn't even noticeable until he was right next to me, then I could only wonder how I missed it. After he took a few steps away the feeling was gone."

I wished I did not just hear that. This could mean that I have to watch out for Ranma or Haruhi erasing the world and resetting it.

Koizumi only shrugged his shoulders when I looked at him.

Then Mikuru spoke up herself before I could decide on an appropriate response, "Um, does this mean we need to monitor both of them?"

Poor Mikuru, she must be more in over her head then I am.

Nagato answered the question, "It would appear so, he has the same data creation, but near zero radius. Perhaps a chrysalid?"

To me this meant the fan was turned on, it was on top of a hill and several monkeys were at the bottom armed and ready to fling. Why, I wondered, didn't I get myself into this situation years ago when I was naïve enough to think that I could handle this. So I had to ask, "So what do we do?"

Koizumi shrugged and still wearing his never fading smile replied, "The same thing we have been doing."

If I were violent I would have decked him, and I am certain I would enjoy it. However, I am also aware I am beyond being in over my head and he is holding one of the three ropes that are keeping me from drowning. I got the feeling that there were more monkeys and a bigger fan then I first thought.

That night while laying in bed I could only worry about what the future would bring. Going to bed is an interesting time for some people. I have been told that some people can just fall asleep as soon as their heads hit their pillows, I am not one of those people. For my types this is the best time to think, you are free of distractions and have time to let your self review the day. Tonight though my last point of review would lead to nightmares, nothing so bad that another person at the school would notice but I combined a few details that I knew and ran through a list.

The main points were: Ranma had multiple fiancees, Ranma was the same as Haruhi in many ways, athletic, popular even on his first day, and apparently he had the potential of erasing the entire world. My nightmare that night was of Ranma and Haruhi making my life hell, the one point I could not figure out was why Ranma was female at the time. I guessed it was just what I was told about them being the same that threw me for a loop.

* * *

The next day was more normal as it did not contain Ranma jumping out the window, neither was there a scream of hatred from outside. Yet there was a single strange occurrence involving Ranma. I had opted to talk to him after we left school for the day. In the end we ended up walking towards his current residence. Eventually I had to ask, "So how did you become a prince in that place in China?"

Ranma looked at me with a glare that would have wilted anyone who has not had to deal with Haruhi. Eventually he had relented, "I got drafted." after he said that he snorted and tried to let things drop.

This confused me though. Usually a person gets drafted by a higher authority into putting you in their services or services of another. Such as getting drafted into an army during wartime, or getting coerced by a peer or co-worker into volunteer or committee work, or even forced by a cute girl to join a strange club with weird and vague objectives. To be picked off the street of a foreign country and forced to become a ruler of a new country can not even be calculated at such a small possibility, therefore he must not be telling everything.

So being the cat about to be killed by the dangerous demon known as curiosity I am, I had to clarify, "Did they just pick you at random or was there a reason?"

Ranma laughed, almost maniacally so, then he responded, "I think it was their idea of revenge, they all wanted it, and they dumped their problems on me like everyone else."

I tried to picture what he described and what I knew about him. The clearest picture was several people standing around who owned large piece of land accusing him of dishonoring marriage commitments and someone accusing him of some offense forcing him to become a prince so he could be held responsible for their problems for them. A sacrificial wolf in lamb's clothing. That picture would only prove more correct as time went on.

We continued our hike and it was then I realized he lived near me, suddenly he grabbed me and before I knew what was happening we were airborne and three stories up and going backwards towards a roof, where he put me down.

"Hey ya P-chan! What annoyed you today?" Ranma had yelled as he jumped down leaving me on the roof. I gazed to where I was standing before and saw another guy there with a large backpack and wielding an umbrella like a sword. But that wasn't what worried me, where I was standing was a small crater and the epicenter seemed to be the tip of the umbrella. I realized if Ranma was any slower I would have been Haruhi's next great interest, something that I had no desire of being.

I watched in wonder as the fight unfolded. The one who Ranma called P-chan was obviously out classed and Ranma was good enough of a fighter that I understood what Shinochi meant when he called him THE Ranma Saotome. To call him good or even a great martial artist was an insult to the skill and power he displayed. Both combatants obviously outclassed any athlete I had ever seen, to even compare Ranma to an Olympic anything, would be like saying that a cheetah is only a little faster then the Lion. Both are fast, but the cheetah is without fail the fastest, even if it is just for short bursts.

Both, of the blind to collateral damage brawlers, seemed to be trading blows and neither seemed to have an edge over the other. Oddly when Ranma jumped to a light pole to dodge some sort of explosion, P-chan ran away from the fight. Ranma explained later that the one who he was fighting simply got lost. At the time I had assumed that he meant figuratively, it was much later that I learned better.

It is with full irony that sometime after the event that I can understand how I cam to be known as Kyon by what happened to P-chan. Both of us disliked our well known name, but would never be rid of it.

Shortly after the fight we went separately to our respective homes for the night.


	3. 2 School is the perfect place

The Terror of Haruhi Suzumiya and Ranma Saotome

Chapter 2 - School is the perfect place for chaos

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi was written by Tanigawa Nagaru and published as an anime by Kyoto Animation.

Ranma was written by Takahashi Rumiko and published as an anime by Kitty Films - Fuji TV and Viz Communications, Inc.

They own their own characters and other such trademarks, only Characters that I make are owned by me.

Author Note: Jusenikusa means roughly Land of Thousand Fights. This Fic will be done in first person from Kyon's POV

* * *

Another mid winter day came and things still seem to be on the windup for the clockwork shoe to drop. Of course the other shoe already dropped, I am now just waiting for its mate. As it turned out most of the girls at the school apparently didn't consider the fact that Ranma was engaged to Haruhi to mean he was off limits. In fact it appeared to only spurn them on more, only Ranma's innate cluelessness saved him from the worst of Haruhi's wrath.

There had been several attempts in the last few days to get Ranma to agree to a date, but none, not even Haruhi, to her chagrin, was successful. From what I saw it wasn't that he actually didn't notice girls, it just seemed that he was either smart enough to avoid them, or thought they were all Sirens of legends, just waiting to send him to his doom; possibly both. Either way Ranma was not the only new super student of apparent recent appearance.

As per usual the boy's gym class finished early and we were watching the girls as their class finished. Well I was more on the lookout for projectile clockwork shoes, Taniguchi and Kunikida were watching the girls. Although I did look more then I would ever admit to doing.

"There she is again," came from Kunikida.

Taniguchi replied, "Wow! Definitely an 'AA' body!"

The girl that the hormone poster boys were referring to was a short red head. She showed up a few days after Ranma had, but so far only seemed to be a name on paper as it were. The only class she seemed to attend was the girl's PE. When I thought about it I also realized I never saw Ranma in PE. At the time it was not that obvious, at least at first, it was one of many things that made sense only long after the fact.

Kunikida looked at his partner in perverted research and asked, "Did you get her name?"

Taniguchi answered without taking his eyes off the red head, "Ranko, that is what the other girls call her, but the office won't say anything regarding her."

There was a moment of silence, it was like music with the girls laughing and swimming in their one piece swimsuits. Of course with it being mid winter we were at an indoor pool, however, this class was more of a one time event since we were off campus to take it.

Kunikida thought more then we did, I tried not too, I was sure I had seen the robed visage of death laughing and pointing at me earlier that day, but Kunikida decided to push his luck. Fortunately I kept any sign of my luck tightly hidden away so that fate sees no temptation from me. Haruhi was bad enough normally and I was afraid she might lose her focus on Ranma, my good luck that he appeared kept her nicely distracted. At the time I had thought it was better Ranma them me.

At that moment I saw 'Ranko' shiver then turn and look directly at me, and between the reflected light on the water, her pale completion, and her glare; I almost was positive I was looking at death herself. If she was death, then death was cute, and perhaps dying wouldn't be such a horrible fate. However, I am no lemming to be drawn in to pack suicide mentality and run towards that particular cliff.

Kunikida then spoke up after Ranko looked away, "That was some look..."

Taniguchi replied, "Ya! Kyon, what did you do to her?"

I had no answer so we descended into another pregnant pause.

Kunikida then looked at Taniguchi and went to ask, "You realize that you..."

Taniguchi interrupted, "Yes, forget I said anything. Kyon couldn't upset a girl that bad if he set his mind to it. Not since meeting Haruhi anyway."

Oh sure, I bet they enjoyed that, mocking me to the side of my face. Probably forgot that is where ears are found.

Kunikida continued, "Anyway, I think she is getting home schooled, it is the only thing I can think of," he paused a moment before continuing, "the girls I asked don't seem to know either. They mentioned an odd behavior but wouldn't go into details beyond saying she is very shy. She also joined several teams, but it seemed more like she was assigned to them, at least that is what I heard."

I looked at Ranko, and the way she was interacting with the other girls in the water. She didn't seem shy, nor did she seem outgoing. She seemed to be just trying to blend in, and she was doing a good job of it too.

Taniguchi more stated then asked, "Shy? Her? She doesn't seem the shy type to me, what about you guys." we both shook our heads. There was no sign of that girl being shy.

Then he whistle blew and she seemed to teleport into the changing room. That made us all wonder, first how she moved so fast, and second, why?

* * *

After we all got changed and exited the building to board the bus back to the school we had found out that Ranko took off already, and yet there was something odd about the situation. 'Where did she go?' I wondered. Although I would not have voiced it aloud for fear of summoning more problems, it did seem odd that she would appear and disappear just for a single class.

Then I saw what was becoming a common occurrence, I saw Haruhi with a glint in her eye that reminded me of every stunt she ever pulled before. It was like a train wreck, you just had to look, and once you saw it you could not look away. Perhaps it was her smile that accompanied it, perhaps I was just a sucker for happy girls perhaps she was a snake hypnotizing me to make me easier to manipulate. Anyway you look at it, I still usually get stuck footing the bill, good bye new music CD.

"Hey Kyon!" came the call from Haruhi. "Did yo notice that new girl? Another mysterious transfer student, one that only attends a single class and sporting events. I bet she has some secret that is just waiting to be revealed. Remember to be at the club meeting after school, we have a mystery to uncover!"

She had come and gone without waiting for a reply, not unusual for Haruhi, fairly par for the course really. As I watched Haruhi disappear off into the bus, I was passed by Ranma, oddly he seemed worried and groaned as he boarded the bus.

* * *

At the end of school that day I found myself in the club room, while this was not unusual, Haruhi and Ranma were noticeably absent. If I were some deranged suitor, I might have hunted them down and attacked Ranma for his sneaky methods to keep me away from Haruhi. Seeing that I am not deranged nor a suitor for Haruhi I find myself enjoying their absence. Of course the other club member's origins outwardly appear to infringe on my sanity, I can only take such things in stride. Perhaps they are out on a date, or would that be, Haruhi dragged Ranma out on a date with her. My musings were cut short by Haruhi pulling Ranma in by the pigtail, he was facing the other direction and his feet were dragging across the floor. Poor guy, probably made it as far as the front door if it took this long for her to get him here.

After Haruhi had dragged Ranma into the room completely she locked the door behind them. She then spun on her heal and had her, cheerful, smiling, I am going to bring down another form of supernatural event, smile declared, "We have a new mystery to solve. And that is who is Ranko!"

So Haruhi wants us to stalk a cute girl, just because we don't know who she is. My mind raced with worst case scenarios, then I remembered my dream from last night. I looked at Ranma fidgeting as Haruhi ranted about ways to find out who this girl is, I remembered what "Ranko" looked like, I remembered Ranma looked like her in my dream.

After a moment's contemplation I came to two realization, first I was developing precognition, out of simple need for survival, and second, I was going to get a major headache soon. Either that or someone is now messing with me in my sleep, as if that didn't happen enough when I was awake.

Haruhi then turned towards me and announced, "Kyon and Ranma you both go check apartments in the area looking for any sign of her."

I nodded, now I knew fate was mocking me. I was walking into a gladiatorial arena, Haruhi on one side, berserk martial artists on the other. The proverbial rock and a hard place, or was that high school girl and tentacle monster. Actually if the girl was Haruhi, I would pity the poor monster.

Ranma and I left immediately and headed towards down town, we traveled into town near Ranma's apartment and inquired about the girl Ranko. Of course nobody answered our questions, if we were cute school girls they might have, figuring we were tracking down a school friend, if we were looking for a guy, they might have as well, but given the fact we were guys tracking down a girl we must have seemed like we were stalking her. Well in a way we were, or rather 'I' was given what I suspected was true.

Of course there was only one way to prove it, and I decided to test my theory, "How was gym today Ranko?"

When Ranma immediately stopped walking, I noticed a second later and stopped as well. "I do not plan on telling Haruhi if you are wondering. However I do find it odd, after all you look so different." Ranma continued walking and I stayed beside him.

After a minute of silence he seemed to decide something, "Lets go to my apartment, I will explain there."

After we arrived at his apartment he closed and locked the door, and lowered the blinds. I got concerned as he didn't look too happy. I felt like I was in that gaijin movie "Godfather." It was a movie I enjoyed, but seeing how Ranma was acting I felt like I was about to find the deep end was bigger then I thought.

Over the next few hours I learned about his curse, and about the trouble to come. It was also explained to me that the principal of our school was apparently related to his last principal and insisted that he must attend gym as a girl. Although I said nothing to Ranma on the matter I can understand why. As good as our boy's teams are, they would not benefit from someone like Ranma much. Unfortunately for our girl's teams, well Haruhi was a good example, the girls that would make the teams shine simply were not interested.

After I learned about the curse and who Ranko was we decided to keep this from Haruhi. I told him that she was the type who actively seeks the unknown and would likely do something we all would regret.

* * *

Before class started the next day, I was blissfully enjoying the time at school before Haruhi arrived when I heard Taniguchi and Kunikida talking about a guy that Kunikida saw.

"I am telling you he smashed through a stone wall like it was made of thin and cheap wood."

Taniguchi shook his head in disbelief, "You mean like paper?"

Kunikida replied, "No, he had to smash through it with his fist, but still it was with the effort we would open a door with."

Taniguchi frowned for a moment, "What did he look like?"

Kunikida pulled out a photo, "Here, I managed to take this before he walked around a corner. I chased him hoping to get a better shot, but he disappeared."

Taniguchi took the photo and tried to place it but failed before shrugging and returning the photo.

Taking the picture back Kunikida returned it to a pocket in one of his books, "I do know one thing, he is the one that keeps yelling that he is going to kill Saotome."

I decided to add what little I could to this, "I had the misfortune to meet him."

The other two came to my desk like hungry sharks that smelled blood. Kunikida was the first take a bite to see how the prey tasted, "What happened?"

I shrugged, may as well tell them, "He attacked Ranma, and Ranma had to protect everyone nearby from him. He seemed to be a berserker, and he didn't even check to see if he was hurting anyone when he attacked. Beyond that Ranma called him P-chan." I was not about to tell them that Ranma saved me, I still had a little pride left.

Taniguchi gave me an incredulous look.

I waved him off and noticed Ranma walked in so I called out to him, "Yo Ranma! That guy that attacked us is called P-chan right?"

Ranma snickered at the name before answering, "Ya that was P-chan alright."

Obviously it was a nickname, and the other two seemed to take note of it as did the rest of the class.

After a few minutes everyone settled in and the teacher arrived. The class was 'World Geography' which was normally quite boring to many students. The teacher was one of the few teachers that seemed to be determined to ensure every student is properly educated had apparently decided to try something new and called upon Ranma to tell us about Jyusenkusa.

Ranma was reluctant to say the least but did agree after a little prodding, so he went to the front of the class then started, "Ok, first off I ain't going to tell everyone about some things, so if I sound vague on purpose, then it is because you don't need to know. I know you might be curious about that but there are some areas that are a secret for a reason. If you find out later, you might understand. But I do ask that any secrets you find out you tell no one about."

This got everyone's attention, but people are naturally curious, so this is like telling sharks not to eat that dieing and bleeding whale, they simply won't listen till they had their fill, and by then it doesn't matter.

Ranma continued on after a moment, "Okay, first off although I'm the 'Prince' or 'King' or whatever title I am suppose to go by this week, I am not in total control. I was basically chosen for the position by the local leaders."

Noticing the confused looks he realized with an obvious slump of his shoulders that he had to go into the history to be understood. He sighed and proceeded again with the lecture, "Over a nine hundred years ago the tribes in Jyusenkusa were independent of everyone and occasionally wared with each other. The leaders of China at the time tried to force them to be like everyone else in China and conform. They fought back and kept their independence. Now problem was that China could not recognize this officially because they would look weak. So they just claimed that everything is fine, and thought no more of it, hoping the problem would just go away. I suppose that is where things for the formation came into place. As time went on, things changed, people were born and died, and the truth of this place was lost. So the land went forgotten by everyone; except by those who lived in it and they kept the records securely."

Everyone was listening, but a few seemed to be tuning out the story. I noted that Ranma was more speaking from memory then an impromptu speech, almost like this was hammered into his head and not permitted to forget it. I refocused more as there was much that I was not told last night.

After a short pause Ranma continued, "Now, the current Chinese government was recently trying to reassert its control over its own land and finally remembered Jyusenkusa. They tried threatening the various tribes until they provided copies of the independence papers. China found some loop hole saying that the various tribes needed to be co-existing peacefully. The tribal leaders got together and decided they needed a figurehead to 'lead' them and make a united front. As it stood I dealt with the main three tribes current leaders and defeated them all in combat at one time or another."

Ranma smirked before progressing with the story, "The tribes are all warrior tribes, to them you are either a combatant, a healer, or a provider. Providers are people like blacksmiths, people who can make clothes, farmers, and the like, and recently there were a few people with more modern sciences, but there are only a few of those. Mostly because electricity is unneeded."

Before he continued someone interrupted, "So you don't have lights, man you guys are backwards."

Ranma smirked again, "First off, we don't need electricity for light, we have rocks that glow in the dark, and quite brightly too, not like that junk you get in stores, a small rock 'bout the size of my fist is brighter then a light bulb. Second, we have plants that can do that too, Heat is never really a problem either as we have tricks that can grow entire trees to large size in a day," Actually less, remembering what Pink, and Link could do, "So if we need a fire its easy to get materials. With that growing ability to grow fruit, vegetables, and berries we are never in short supply of them, we can raise lots of pigs, chickens, and animals like that easily. So meat and vegetables are never a problem. Our Healing techniques and medical herbs usage is so advanced that many doctors around the world are learning about what we know, on a limited basis for now. As such we only very rarely have anyone sick."

After a moment the smirk renewed itself, "So lets see we have no problems getting the basics, food, shelter, and warmth. We have plenty of light, and the most advanced medical techniques in the world and almost no crime at all. So its the rest of the world that is primitive in my opinion. But back to what I was saying, the third class is the Combatants, which technically include everyone, but is usually limited to the people who specialize in it. Now the tribes are usually run by the best warrior either strongest by battle or by most experience. It varies from tribe to tribe. However I have ties," He momentarily paused a moment as if debating something internally before he decided to continue, "ties that I am not going to say right now, that caused me to be chosen for convince." he seemed to rub his head while saying the last word, as if it reminded him to a hit to his head.

Pressing on he seemed to have shaken the feeling off and continued once more, "So the big story was that as their chosen leader they claimed to have united, China, or rather its government was not happy, but before they did anything the leaders asked for help from the Japanese government. Who decided to make their existence loud. As I was now known internationally and the fact that Jyusenkusa was independent by their own word, China was unable to do anything without causing a war with Japan. Korea would likely join in if only to weaken both, and I was told that the rest of the world might get drawn into it as it would be China trying to repress someone that they shouldn't be able to. So that is what you need to know before I tell you about the land."

I double checked on everyone and Ranma seemed to have more attention on him again. But as I reviewed his speech I noticed something, He never referred to his nation as his nation, it was always like some foreign nation that he was an expert on. This told me that although he was their figurehead he still saw himself as an outsider to the country. For some reason this bothered me. I pondered this for a few minutes barely listening to what he was saying. When I refocused he was talking about Amazons.

Ranma was now on more familiar territory, the Amazons, the Musk and the Phoenix, he already covered the other tribes and their land, now he was on the tribes and lands he knew, "The big three tribes are the Amazons, the Musk and the Phoenix. What I am about to tell you is important, first of all, the Amazons, that is what they call themselves, have for several centuries anyway; they are a female dominated culture. Actually it would be more correct to say that the roles that men and women play are opposite to the roles in Japan, mostly. But the important thing to know is to never knock one out in combat or otherwise." everyone looked confused as to why, "If you are the same gender it is considered a declaration of a personal war and an insult. Some are more understanding then others, but its better to not take any chance." Many people looked a little worried after he said that, but he pressed on, "Now if your gender is not the same its considered a marriage ceremony"

Taniguchi interrupted loudly, "Wait so if I accidentally knock out one of these Amazons then they have to marry me?"

Ranma groaned, "Only if their gender is not the same as yours. Either way you have until they wake up before its official. When they do they have to kiss your cheek, then they either declare they will hunt you down to the ends of the Earth to kill you, and before you think of running, they are all excellent trackers, and most know multiple languages to varying degree. So running after the kiss is pointless unless you are good at covering your tracks and hiding well. If they do not declare their intent to kill you, they will declared their acceptance of marriage."

Everyone nodded, including myself, I also promised myself to never stand around if I did ever see one cold clocked. However before I could continue my thoughts Ranma kept going, "Amazon lands are surrounded by trees that are cared for at a range from their village walls, this gives shelter, and supplies to the village, but there is also flat land that has been cleared, a fairly sizeable area too, so anybody that comes near can be seen. It has a few spiritual," I inserted cursed over the word spiritual, "locations. But over all their own holdings are nothing special. The Musk are nearly extinct to be blunt, there are only a few members left, but they are growing in number. One warning is that their culture is changing away from one that was male totalitarian, many are becoming respectful, but some don't even see women as human. They currently only have one village left, more of a small castle really, and as you can guess had more then a few fights with the Amazons over the years. To be honest though, they are fairly far from the Amazons and until recently the Amazons thought them myth... ironically."

Everyone shared a laugh at this even Ranma, "Now the last group, they are isolationist themselves but less so in recent times. Believe it or not the entire tribe has wings and can fly." I swear now that it was audible as every head turned to Haruhi. This was real a terror moment for me. In Ranma's story so far there was nothing that unusual, I didn't tell him about Haruhi and completely regretted now, he might have actually believed it and would have kept this quiet. I had told him that she was mystery obsessive but he must have hit the point with dealing with people like the Phoenix that it was not weird to him any more, or he did not realize how bad this was to expose Haruhi to. The next club meeting had promised to be interesting.

* * *

It was not until after school that I came to a new and welcome discovery: Haruhi could only focus on one thing at a time. I figured it must have come from her single minded desire to meet the abnormal. At that time I was not sure if Ranma got off lucky or not because Haruhi stopped asking about Ranko, and was off somewhere interrogating him. I warned Ranma at lunch that she would latch on to any strangeness or mystery and drain him for all he was worth. I only could have hoped that he would listen.

I had to hold my composure as I went to the club room. This was to be my downfall, I know that it was now in retrospect. I was technically free, Haruhi had Ranma and would drag him to the club, and, as it was I had no specific reason to go any more besides habit. It is truly funny, people do numerous stupid things to themselves in the name of habit. Some people smoke, some drink, some gamble but in the end many will call it a habit when they do it often. I on the other hand go to the club room because its habit.

When I entered the club room and saw their faces I had known it was not going to be good, I wished I could pull a Ranma and leap out the window to escape what as coming. Perhaps that was how he developed that skill. Now there was a thought, I could see it, a 14 year old Ranma being chased through a school avoiding girls trying to ask him out only to lose them by leaping out a window. No, That would never work, eventually one would fall out by mistake, Ranma would save her and then they would line up for it. I mentally shook my head and proceeded into the room, I had decided to face destiny as a man, boldly and fearlessly, strolling towards doom like an idiot.

After I had entered the room Nagato was the first to speak, this is unusual as in most cases we had to direct questions to her first, "The Integrated Data Entity has started scanning for more like Ranma, however, our results are limited due to proximity required. More time is needed."

I could only fear the thought of more of Ranma or worse, more of Haruhi, "Well, it's not like there is anything we can do now."

I was concerned with my own reaction, I was getting used to this, but what concerned me more was Koizumi and how he glanced at Mikuru. I knew she was from the future, and of course knew stuff that was to come, but from the look on her face I knew that something was wrong. I didn't want to burden her with my questions so I started with Koizumi, "You are worried."

It was blunt, but I was unable to recall ever seeing him that, well anything but almost passively happy. He always had that smile, and now he was actually looking worried. Now that I think of it I actually recalled him without that smile once, it was when he first told me about 'The Agency.'

He looked at me and tried plastering a fake smile, "I am sure it is nothing. However, I think you need to spend more time with Haruhi."

At this point I was beyond concerned, I was, well, I felt every emotion to some degree I am sure, "What are you saying? She has a fiancee, she is spending time with him, so I am sure that there is no reason for me to put myself between them."

I barely could hear it but I did when Mikuru murmured, "Ranma may not be what he appears, he might not stay involved with her."

To me she had sounded uncertain, almost, "In your future Ranma wasn't there!"

She looked worried and scared but managed a brief nod.

We all exchanged looks, well Nagato was impassive as usual, but then Koizumi, managed his usual smile and replied, "Well, even with an uncertain future, she still chose you."

I briefly wondered if P-chan was on to something, I certainly felt like screaming out to Ranma to prepare for his demise.

I looked at him and then Nagato interjected once again, "That remains correct, she did choose you, Ranma may be a new choice, or he may not. As there are so many unknowns present no action should be taken to alter the current situation."

I took this to mean that they wanted me to be the jealous rival for Haruhi's affections. With that I had decided then that Haruhi was indeed a goddess, and she was trying to attack my sanity through the Espers, Time Travelers, Aliens, and Unreal Martial Artists that she didn't really believe existed but was trying to prove it anyway. And she was using me to do it by having me in the line of fire. I could only sigh. When I had thought of it that way it truly was worse sounding then I first thought.

* * *

I was very tired when I got home and barely registered my parents calling me into the family room. I was told that a cousin named Satori would be staying with us for the time being. Normally I would have been more attentive to details such as exactly how he was related, but after the day and the surprises I had at the club room, I was hard pressed to focus. It must have showed because my parrents dismissed me quickly. Thinking back, my parents might not have told me, but then it would not be surprising. Our family tended to be quite close and as such everyone tended to know everyone else. We would see each other regularly, with only the odd exception, my aunt that started the Kyon name being a glaring one.

Seeing how tired I was I agreed with my parents and went directly to my room to get my homework done, I started it before leaving the club room, but was getting tired and so I came home. I had just finished my last assignment when a knock came from my door.

I called to the door, "Come in"

It was who I assumed to be the cousin, he appeared to be several years my junior, he also didn't stay long, just long enough to make me want to cry myself to sleep. All he had to do was speak a few short sentences.

Normally speaking is not the kind of thing to set me off, but here I felt I was dangling before a pack of hungry lions at the zoo, slowly being lowered, when suddenly they drop tigers into the exhibit.

What he had said to bring my day of nightmares to a close was, "Hi Kyon, the agency that Koizumi is part of sent me, I know he told you about us. Can you tell him tomorrow that he need not worry about Ranma, as he is my concern, or at least will if he makes close space. Oh! and don't worry, I won't tell anyone about Mikuru's mole"

With that he was gone, I had come to realize that even in the shelter of my home, I now had to deal with them. I then decided to just go to bed, but as soon as my head hit the pillow and closed my eyes it took maybe a minute to be wide awake again by way of adrenalin rush, I had remembered that I had no relatives named Satori. After mulling about it I had realized I was under-equipped to deal with something like this on my own. Perhaps Koizumi might be able to help put some light on this new trouble. With that I went to sleep, hoping to enjoy dreams of normal life rather then the fantastic.


End file.
